Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patty's Day! We spent the holiday park-hopping. The desert in early spring is so beautiful...MUST take advantage of it while we can still be outside sans pool. The day became even more "green" when Gracie suggested we collect plastic bottles and recycle them. We have to keep our Earth healthy, Mom. "Green"...get it?!

Thoughts at bedtime

I live for these moments when the mundane is suddenly transformed into something much greater.

After a day full of activity, when I am exhausted and ready to be alone, I can't say I look forward to the bedtime routine. I know I'm supposed to enjoy every moment with my children, but some nights, it seems it take forever to clean up toys, take baths, read books, brush teeth, sing lullabies, etc., especially when I am on my own with them all day/all night. Yet although the bedtime drill may seem uninspiring at times, I do believe there is a silver lining to it all, as I've repeatedly experienced some of the sweetest mommy/daughter moments at the end of this routine. Tonight as I sat on Kate's bed, gently brushing the hair off her face with my hands, she entered into a reflective conversational mode, asking sincere questions and sharing thoughts, important to her at this sweet time of innocence. She wanted to know if the shows on Noggin were for babies. This was important to her because she likes them and she is not a baby. I told her they were for anyone who enjoyed them which seemed to be good enough for now. She was also worried about being able to remember all the words when she is in the play Annie someday. I assured her that she would do fine because she has a fantastic memory and would have lots of opportunities to practice. This eased her fears and I could see her little furrowed brow relaxing. At the end of our chat, she asked, "Mom, why did you stay and talk with me so long?" I told her I enjoyed chatting with her. She thought for a moment and said, "Wow Mom, we get along really well." And with those words, I could feel the tears in my eyes.

I don't think I can accurately describe why I'm emotional about my babies these days; I know it involves how quickly it seems time is passing...how they are no longer babies. With Kate tonight, it was as if I sensed this little person entering into a transition stage, a time that I want to embrace but leaves me somehow nostalgic for the days of complete innocence when thinking something might be too babyish would never have entered her mind. And her little anxieties that seem so cute (like not being able to remember all her lines in a nonexistent play) have hints of perfectionist tendencies which are very familiar and trigger some anxiety within myself because I'm not sure I'm the best person to help her deal with it all. Or maybe I am since I can relate. I feel privileged that she can share her thoughts with me and that she thinks "we get along really well." She just sounds so grown up saying such words. Despite how quickly she seems to be maturing, I take comfort in that which is constant, the unconditional love I feel for her. I will always strive to provide the best guidance I can for her wherever she may be in life. I hope we will always"get along really well". I think she is an extremely intelligent, expressive individual with a beautiful spirit and am so thankful we are together.

After my chat with Kate, Gracie asked to be rocked. Kate no longer asks for this little indulgence so I cherish every rocking moment with Grace until she no longer needs them. During this time, I was once again reminded how very different these identical twins are. Grace is very much in the moment which seems to produce a lot of random thoughts...at least they are random to the rest of us. As we began to rock, she wanted me to tell her how she broke her collar bone at 2 1/2. She then caught sight of the lights from passing cars and proceeded to follow them along the playroom walls with her eyes. She was then back to the collar bone, wanting more details about that incident. Then, in her signature Gracie voice she said, "I love my family," something she repeats often these days, almost as is she's reminding me how important it is for her that we are a strong unit. I think despite her random, carefree behavior, she is very perceptive, though not always able to express what she is sensing. She has always been sensitive to others' feelings and will often begin to tear up when someone in the room is sad or extremely happy. It's like she is a magnet for other people's emotions. She is nurturing and empathetic. She is completely full of joy and enjoys being 5. The thought of something being too babyish doesn't cross her mind yet and I'm not sure it will. I don't see her as affected by the social world around her; it's almost as if she has a deeper connection, like she knows where she is from and is happy to experience this world as she is...doesn't feel the need to change for others. I hope her little light continues to shine brightly and that she remains unaffected by the opinions and pressures of others. She is a true inspiration and I am so incredibly honored that I have this time with her. I feel I have a lot to learn from her.

After a few minutes, Gracie's chatter ceased and we continued to rock in the playroom, my arms wrapped around her growing body. From the bedroom, we could hear Kate singing "Maybe" from Annie. As she got to the end of the song I was overcome with emotion again feeling the familiar, "I want them to stay this age forever" feeling. It's these precious bedtime moments, moments of complete awareness and acceptance, that I hope will remain in my memory. I don't think I will choose to remember the nagging to clean up and get jammies on part of the routine.

Gracie's Tooth

Gracie lost her first tooth just a few short weeks after her sister. She wouldn't let us touch it while still loose in her mouth. Yes, that little tooth held on until the bitter end, finally falling out during breakfast. I was getting ready to take the girls to preschool when she came running into the bathroom hysterically screaming, holding the little treasure she had rescued from her mouth before it was swallowed with pieces of banana. She was completely overjoyed by what had happened. Gracie, like her sister, has not turned over the tooth to the fairy yet. The consensus at this time is that they will wait until they both lose two teeth and then give the fairy all 4 at once. They always seem to make their own rules for these traditional practices which keeps things interesting around here. Here is Gracie in the summer 2004 showing off her bottom baby teeth. Congrats my baby girl!