2010

So it seems I couldn't keep up with this blog for a year which doesn't surprise me, but does leave me feeling a bit disappointed. When my mom and brother told me to keep posting because they missed reading about the girls, I felt a little guilty for my slack and thought maybe if I worked a little each day I could catch up again. So a week ago I made a list of all the significant events, the holidays, the outings, etc., that had happened since the start of kindergarten and decided what to include in my catch-up project. I went through my pictures and chose my favorites (writing them down as well) and figured if I slowly chipped away at the list of blog entries, I could catch up and make everyone, including myself, happy and fulfilled once again. And now I sit here on January 1st, resolved to write, and you know what, I lost my list. Amidst all the Christmas chaos, the wrapping paper, the receipts, the clutter that got stacked up on my desk during the season, my list has disappeared. I guess it's just another setback, but the missing paper seems to parallel my life in its current state and I can't help but see the significance and think that the universe chuckling a bit and saying, you thought you were going to write about your girls' 6th birthday tonight...teehee.  Not on the advent of a new decade, sister.  So maybe this little cosmic joke, my list not being available when I was ready to write, is a way to make me consider the year to come instead.  Or maybe its just an exercise in developing my sense of humor.

Anyway, like my list, I'm a bit lost. My direction is unclear and I sense I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing in this life which makes me feel out of balance. At times I think I'm on the right path but then something happens and I'm back to the beginning again, trying to figure out which path to take. I hope this is the decade I discover how to use my gifts to best serve others, without feeling like I am completely drained in the process. I hope that I can find peace and understanding in my home life and that I can connect with others on a deeper level. I hope to be more diligent about utilizing my intuition and the energy within in order to manifest what it is I need. And most importantly, I want to feel like whatever I do, whatever I think or say, is coming from a place of love and not fear.  So here's to Twenty-Ten, MMX, the 10th year of the third millenium.  And please, dear universe, help me find my list now because I also hope to be more consistent in my blogging.